you are ruining my hair

Ok, I waited four long years to hear my son talk. Countless hours of aba, pt and ot. Many miles driven to DAN docs, emptying out my checking account for various potions promising 'calm and focus'. It's all paying off in a big way, and while it's music to my ears, it's also adding a whole new dimension to my day. I guess I kind of thought that when bubs finally started talking, well, then his dx would melt away. That all of the behaviors that placed him tenuously on the spectrum would fade when he could communicate with people. I guess I am lucky to see some of those things really fade, but then there are these 'other' things that start popping up here and there. Kind of like a criss angel mindfreak game of 'whack a mole'. I was told by bubs' school to watch for 'rigid behaviors' as they are asymptomatic of the proverbial 'child on the spectrum'. So is it normal for a kid who doesn't mind getting his hair shampooed to suddenly act as if you are dousing him with boiling hot oil? I innocently set out to wash his hair one night and usually what I do is kind of bob and weave with a pitcher of water while he is happily distracted with his beloved sea creatures. Usually he doesn't mind at all. So while I was attempting to continue this tradition I was faced with a very disgruntled boy. He was swatting me away and screaming at me. 'No' he said, "You are ruining my hair, You are RUINING my hair mommy". Now the autism momma in me is thrilled at the the fact that there are so many words in that sentence and that the pronouns are all in place. I was also wondering where he picked up the concept of 'ruining'. I don't remember teaching that one. But that same autism momma in me was also wondering if that was a weird behavior that I should be worried about. It's such a fine line between what is typical of a four year old, and what is typical of a four year old with autism. I have no objectivity and no frame of reference. Hell at this point I am pretty shot. Then we get the 'I am not wearing those pants, those are grey pants, my pants are blue'. I realized that yeah, most of his pants are blue. I had gymbucks and I got some new pants, some new not blue pants. Was the fact that the pants were not like his others making him 'anxious'? Or was he just being a four year old? Then he wouldn't wear the lovely new crocs I got for him, complete with lizard and spider jibbitz (did you know they make puzzle piece jibbitz???). Was it a need for routine and control? Or was it just peculiar toddler behavior? Rainman? Fishsticks on Thursday? God, it's been really freaking me out.
I really have to watch myself. I start perseverating myself on things. This morning when I asked bubs what he wanted to wear on his feet, expecting 'the usual' answer, he pleasantly surprised me with 'I want my new blue crocs, mommy'.