Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Jenny I got your number...

Jenny Craig that is. I needed to do something. I think I am just so fried on so many levels and while I really want to lose some lbs, I just don't think I can do it on my own. God, it's freaking expensive. This was my first week on it. For the most part it was pretty easy and the second I was tempted by something verboten the only thing that stopped me was that I shelled out five hundred bucks for this endeavor (five hundred dollars that were hard to come by) and that screwing up would not just affect me and my fat ass but the rest of my little family unit as well. I think that's how this diet works. It's not just guilt over the fact that you have let yourself go, it's that you have actually spent a small fortune trying to get some kind of control over your desire to constantly be stuffing your face. Control that you didn't have inside you. I was at a fundraiser event at a bar on Saturday night and they were passing around all of these greasy fried h'ors douvres that I really wanted to eat. I was thankfully able to restrain myself but it was not really because they were fattening and bad for me. It was more like how much I would hate myself when I got on the scale and wasted all that money (that as a stay at home mom, I didn't technically 'earn'). It's multi-tiered platform of shame, guilt and self loathing operating here,people. A trifecta of disfunction. I don't know if those poor 'counselors' at Jenny Craig are ready for my baggage. But they better be because I'll be there for a while.

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