Friday, January 11, 2008

Someone give this lady a xanax-STAT!

Ok, it's official, I have lost my ever loving mind. Let's preface this by saying it's been an unusually emotional day for some reason (is mars in retrograde or something?). Bubs goes to a 'typical' preschool three afternoons a week, with one of the assistant teachers going with him as a shadow. It must be said that this girl is a sweetheart, we love her, she is awesome. I am not particularly close with any of the moms, it's probably me and my neurosis, but I much prefer school socializing with my autism peeps. It might not be outrageous to say I have a wee chip on my shoulder, or perhaps I am just defensive. I am working on this as a person. I think I need to heal a chakra or two. At any rate, I just go and pick him up and get the hell out of there as fast as I can.
Today I was waiting on the line in front of the classroom to pick up bubs. Usually I am first, but today I wasn't. There is a little counter with the kid's mailboxes on it. Each kid has a little slot. I notice that all of the slots except for two have what look like party invites in them. I look and look and I notice that my bubs and this other kid don't have invites. The other kid happens to have a few issues (not dx with anything), but I know this from bubs' shadow that he has some trouble getting along with others. So at first a slight panic comes over me. Then I get angry, then I get hurt. How could these mean cruel mothers do this to MY SON! I am serious when I say that I had tears welling up in my eyes. I finally get to sign my precious child out of this godforsaken class and I was doubly relieved to see bubs' shadow give me the thumbs up signal from the corner of the room, letting me know that he was a 'good listener' and we could proceed to Michael's (arts and crafts store) to pick out and purchase desired reinforcers (today's pick was a gila monster and an octopus).
So we hustle out the door and I strap bubs in and wait patiently for beloved shadow to come out after all the parents have left the parking lot. I wonder if this is really worth the effort to continue this little charade at this point. I am trying to hold my tears back when I say 'I noticed the other children got party invites and bubs' cubby was empty'. She proceeded to pull out the invite out of her pocket and said that she held it for bubs because he wanted to open it and she didn't want him to in class. I felt like a big stupid ass. I also said I noticed 'the other kid' didn't get an invite either and she said it was his party. Duh. Big freakin DUH. I then went on to apologize and tell her that she must think I am a total nutjob. She being the complete angel that she is, smiled and told me she couldn't even begin to understand what I am going through and that she knows how worried I am. She told me that none of the kids would ever exclude bubs from a party and that they all love him. I just kept on feeling like a big ass.
I seriously need to start meditating. Not to get all new age on you, but this kind of thinking brings you nothing but bad energy.


Jaws said...

awwww. Big hugs for you today.

bonbon momma said...

Thanks Jaws,
I think I am ok because I was able to laugh about it on the phone tonight with one of my 'peeps'. Plus I just took a xanax ;)

Drama Mama said...

I'm sorry, but we all feel like that from time to time.

You're just loving and protecting your kid.

I like your coping strategy. ;-)

Marla said...

Thanks for visiting my blog! I am so glad you did because I am really enjoying yours! I have always struggled fitting in with other moms. Amazingly enough I don't know any parents here with autistic kids. I am working on that though.

Anonymous said...

Awww don't be so hard on yourself. That's what we moms do....we turn into mama bears to try and protect our baby bears. Bub's shadow sounds awesome!

Maddy said...

Slightly off topic = I remember hauling small kids around under everyone's disapproving stares and just hating myself. Now several years later I sometimes see other mum struggling with their children - the look on my face isn't condemnation but beaming positive energy even if it's not interpreted that way.
Best wishes

bonbon momma said...

I tried to email you but it didn't go through. I too try to send the positive compassionate vibes in the direction of the parent whose child is having a public meltdown.They are out there in the universe for the parents, whether or not they know I am on their side. I am possibly the only person who is comforted by the sound of a child other than mine who is acting less than stellar in public. I don't mean that I am happy for the child, no, not that, it's just a weird kind of solidarity that I have invented for myself.