Friday, January 18, 2008

Don't worry about a thing...

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I feel like a big downer lately. It's a valley right now. Peak must be imminent soon, that's the cycle of life, right? It's usually around this time that I will hear 'Three little birds" on the radio and have some kind of epiphany.
I just started reading this book called "When things fall apart" by Pema Chodron. She is the first American woman ordained as a Buddhist Nun and she is a teacher at Gampo Abbey in Nova Scotia. I looked it up to see if I could perhaps pop in there for a weekend or so, to you know, get some inner peace. You have to commit to at least 6 months and probably shave your head. I will just try and read the book for now. While the book has a pretty grim title (and I have to admit, that is what drew me to it) it's about finding some sort of peace in the midst of turmoil. It's very simple and very difficult at the same time. I used to read books like this back in the day, all the time. Like candy. I just don't think I ever really absorbed any information from them. Plus the fact that while I have had serious bouts of depression and anxiety in my life, things really got monumental after I had a child. It's like whatever I felt before, intensified ten fold, both the joyful and the sad. So I guess, this book is all the more relevant to me now.
The thing with my husband is ok for now. Some lines of communication have opened. It will be ok. My bubs, well he is having some problems right now at school. Not sure if I am happy about the way the school is handling it, not sure how I am handling it. I realized last night while therapeutically crying my eyes out watching 'Celebrity Rehab', that this is just the way things are right now, I am fearful, it's making me sad, but I am not always going to feel this way, I am not alone, and this too shall pass.

7 comments:

Drama Mama said...

Yes, yes, yes! Pema! Breathe. Eat. Move. You're moving through this beautifully. Warm hugs.

Drama Mama said...

Yes, yes, yes! Pema! Breathe. Eat. Move. You're moving through this beautifully. Warm hugs.

Marla said...

'While the book has a pretty grim title (and I have to admit, that is what drew me to it)' This sounds just like me. I had to smile when I read this.

I am so sorry you are so blue. I was totally like that a few weeks ago. I am on an antidepressant...thank God! If I was not I would still be in my slump from a week ago. Ugh. I have been on Cymbalta for a while and it has helped me a lot.

I know what you mean about things intensifying when you have children. That is so true!

Glad you and your husband are communicating. That is the hardest part! Tonight I am bummed because we were supposed to go out to meet some friends and M had another seizure. I am about ready to crack up. I so wanted to meet these friends for dinner.

I hope you are able to have some fun this weekend!

Anonymous said...

That book sounds fantastic! I am in such awe of the awesome blogging community you are surrounded by. What warm, supportive people you have to carry you through the tough valleys.

bonbon momma said...

Drama,
The eating part I am really good at. It's the breathing I need a little help with!

Marla,
Thank you so much for your kind words. You must know that my heart goes out to you, I am so sorry that Maizie is having seizures. I hope that you get some answers soon, and that you are able to get some time for yoursel!

Anon,
The book is amazing. I highly recommend it! I have to agree with you, I am very fortunate to have such a supportive internet 'family'. Blogging has been such an amazing thing for me, it has opened up a whole new world for me! It has restored my faith in humanity.

Jaws said...

I honestly thought 2008 was going to be a better year...now I'm not so sure.

Either way, I kinda feel it's healthy to be "blue" every once in awhile. Gives you a different perspective on things.
However, if it's happening too often, I suggest you seek out some info on antidepressants. No need to be blue all the time. We have pills for that kinda thing. ;)

Big hugs sweety, I'm glad your blogging through the bs that life throws us. I should post about my life shattering weekend...

Maybe I will check out that book....

bonbon momma said...

Jaws,
Perhaps it's not too late for 2008.I am still thinking it's going to be better. I do agree that a little bit of blue is part of being human. No one can be happy all the time, at least no one I want to hang out with. I have been down the happy pill road before. I will go down it again, if I have to.
I hope that everything works out with you, I read a little somewher on the bh board and I was going to post, but it got lost in the shuffle. I know you have a lot on your plate right now, hugs right back at ya!!!!!