Do people choose to be happy? I know it seems like a stupid question and I am probably meandering off on a tangent here. I have been in a funk the last few weeks and for someone who has struggled on and off with anxiety and depression (and the appropriate meds that go along with these lovelies) I find myself looking around and thinking that perhaps being content involves some kind of choice. So is it work to be happy? Do you stop yourself from perseverating on the stinky stuff and reminding yourself of your blessings (like having a little Oprah Winfrey on your shoulder)? I am able to do this for a while but then the nagging shit comes seeping through.
I am not a religious person, and I often think 'why not'? It seems like such a comfort to be able to have some kind of 'thing' to go to when the going is rough, when the going is OK and just have some kind of 'Lordiness' permeate your everyday existence. Honestly though, I just cannot wrap my head around it. I have known a few people who are 'born again' as well as some Orthodox Jewish people and all the different flavors in between. Again, it seems like there is a choice, to surrender? Probably more so with the Born Again, because I guess if religion were part of your upbringing, it would be way more ingrained. I have gone to church, and I think I am just too literal a person. I have the same issues with Musicals. I just can't get past the fact that real people wouldn't break into song mid sentence and start dancing around right in the middle of the street. I can appreciate it for what it is, but enjoy it, no. Just as I can read my Buddhist books and take snippets out of it for comfort, am I renouncing my worldly possessions and completely giving up concepts of desire and hope for the promise of nirvana? No, I know I do not have it in me.
OK, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone. These thoughts are still in their embryonic stage and I am just trying to figure out a non medicated way out of this dark side I have mistakenly wandered on over to. I told my husband the other night that my wish for us is to be happy. We have so much to be happy for, to be grateful for, to celebrate. Somehow, those things have been tossed aside and all the things we have to be annoyed over have taken over the joint. So do we just say 'screw it, let's be happy'? Is that even possible? Does it just lay dormant in the furnace till one day it's an explosion? Do you try and work every little detail of your life out so that you have ironed out everything, flat and neat? Everything? I think I need a panera session stat.