Monday, March 3, 2008

What's the secret?


Do people choose to be happy? I know it seems like a stupid question and I am probably meandering off on a tangent here. I have been in a funk the last few weeks and for someone who has struggled on and off with anxiety and depression (and the appropriate meds that go along with these lovelies) I find myself looking around and thinking that perhaps being content involves some kind of choice. So is it work to be happy? Do you stop yourself from perseverating on the stinky stuff and reminding yourself of your blessings (like having a little Oprah Winfrey on your shoulder)? I am able to do this for a while but then the nagging shit comes seeping through.

I am not a religious person, and I often think 'why not'? It seems like such a comfort to be able to have some kind of 'thing' to go to when the going is rough, when the going is OK and just have some kind of 'Lordiness' permeate your everyday existence. Honestly though, I just cannot wrap my head around it. I have known a few people who are 'born again' as well as some Orthodox Jewish people and all the different flavors in between. Again, it seems like there is a choice, to surrender? Probably more so with the Born Again, because I guess if religion were part of your upbringing, it would be way more ingrained. I have gone to church, and I think I am just too literal a person. I have the same issues with Musicals. I just can't get past the fact that real people wouldn't break into song mid sentence and start dancing around right in the middle of the street. I can appreciate it for what it is, but enjoy it, no. Just as I can read my Buddhist books and take snippets out of it for comfort, am I renouncing my worldly possessions and completely giving up concepts of desire and hope for the promise of nirvana? No, I know I do not have it in me.

OK, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone. These thoughts are still in their embryonic stage and I am just trying to figure out a non medicated way out of this dark side I have mistakenly wandered on over to. I told my husband the other night that my wish for us is to be happy. We have so much to be happy for, to be grateful for, to celebrate. Somehow, those things have been tossed aside and all the things we have to be annoyed over have taken over the joint. So do we just say 'screw it, let's be happy'? Is that even possible? Does it just lay dormant in the furnace till one day it's an explosion? Do you try and work every little detail of your life out so that you have ironed out everything, flat and neat? Everything? I think I need a panera session stat.


Queen of the Binge said...

Have you been reading my mind? I have been struggling with many of the same thoughts for awhile now. Sadly, I have no more answers than you do,lol

Marla said...

I need my Cymbalta. without it I would be a mess. Depression sucks.

I think to a degree we do choose to be happy. We certainly choose the outlooks we have on the situations on our life. But, if a person is depressed I don't think they can see the other side no matter how hard they try and need some medicinal assistance.

I was told by a counselor once to try skipping when my mood is in a depressive funk. She believes it is impossible to stay depressed when you skip. So, one day I tried skipping around the house. The weird thing is it worked. I found it quite hard to continue my moping when I skipped. I am sure I looked weird but no one saw.;)

I hope today is a good and happy day for you. Hugs.

Casdok said...

I assume we all want to be happy so if it is by choice then why dosnt it seem to work?! Please let us know when you find the secret!!
For now i will try skipping!!

Cake said...

I understand this feeling, I've asked myself many times. How are some people able to just seem happy all the time? Why can't I? I have plenty of things to appreciate and be grateful for, yet I wallow in "darkness" sometimes too.

I wish I had the answer for you. I grew up in religion and don't attend now because like you, I just can't seem to "get it" anymore (like the musicals LOL I hear you on that!).

If you figure it out, please make a post about it and clue the rest of us in. ;)