Digging in the dirt...

What a difference a day makes. Today my dad called us up and said he was going to be working near us and said we should stop by with bubs so he could run the machine. I guess I didn't take it literally, I thought he would get to sit in it for a while and then we would go. Little did I know he would actually pull levers and lift buckets and scoop out dirt and dump the dirt. It was unbelievable (and probably not that safe, I promise I do make him wear a helmet when he rides his bike, and I cut up hot dogs into microscopic pieces). My dad said he was really good at it. I never really focused on hand eye coordination, I guess I never obsessed over it much for some reason. I do know that the fact that he was able to listen to directions, focus and actually get that machine to work was monumental.

It was also really nice for my dad. I know he gets a huge kick out of it. Being that he had only girls, and we didn't go into the family business, it's a lot of fun for him to share his experiences with his grandsons (and he has only grandsons, 3 of them). He used to have his own fleet of these machines before he retired, but bubs wasn't even born yet before most of the stuff was sold. Bubs had a great time with it, and my dad even paid him 5 dollars for his hard work.

My husband is home this week, he hurt his calf on his yearly 'caveman' camping trip. He was bummed, but it's nice to have him home. We have been having quality time and I have been getting a little 'me' time. Today he took bubs out on some errands and I got to completely purge the living room. It was delightful. I feel all fresh and clean inside, perhaps what I imagine a colonic to feel like (although that's not for me). I organized, sorted, and binned things. I threw out some junk, and shoved the rest into the pit of hell we call our basement. Then I even got to go to my sewing room and make my five minute skirt . That's what it's called and if my computer wasn't so screwed up I would post the link. It took a little longer than five minutes, and it might make me look like I am converting to Orthodox Judaism, but I really like it. Plus it just felt good to have the sewing machine running.

My sister had the same situation happening with her home owner's insurance and we might have found a nice company that doesn't care about our trampolines. The nice lady from the nice insurance company is going to check and hopefully call me tomorrow with her good news (see, I am optimistic again).

edited to add the link for the 'five minute skirt'

Life is good

Thanks to the wonderful Maddy at Whitterer on Autism I have been given my very first award. I have been feeling the love from my blogging colleagues this week. I know that it's my responsiblity as an award winner to pass this wonderful award on. So I will be handing out my first award to Marla, for her self titled blog site, stop by there and read this very thought provoking post about Marla's amazing daughter speaking about her sensory issues.

While I am feeling the love, I would also like to send a shout out to someone I think of as my 'cyberspace mentor', Drama Mama at her blog 'Like a Shark'. She will make you laugh, she will make you cry. Read this to see what I mean.

I am also sending an award over to Casdok at Mother of Shrek. I love to click on her blog, you are guaranteed to be reading something interesting, and insightful.

I am not picking out one specific thread though, because frankly this is starting to give me an anxiety attack.

Thanks again Maddy, and let me express my sincere gratitude to all my blogging friends!

Somebody pinch me

This week has been generous in it's rewards. I almost afraid to write about it, as if by doing so I will walk out my door to retrieve my garbage pails and get sideswiped by a runaway bus making it's way down my street. It's the curse. But I must give thanks, I truly must.


For the mundane relatively unimportant stuff, I must bow down to my accountant and kiss her feet. We were really frantic the last couple of weeks, convinced we would owe large sums of money to the IRS. My husband has been working many many jobs so that we could try and get ahead on this treadmill we are on. We were afraid the plan would backfire due to him putting us in a new tax bracket and the lack of taxes being taken out at his part time jobs (they base it on what you make at each job, not a total). Throw in a desired trip to Europe and some credit card bills (and some wasted fruit) and you have a tense situation. At any rate, my husband called me last night to tell me that not only did we not owe money, we were actually getting a nice chunk back. For this I am grateful.

I also lost 6 pounds this week. Granted it was my first week back at weight watchers, and I have noticed that once a month I seem to lose 6 pounds (my system is wired that way) which I slowly gain back the rest of the time, I will still take the loss and run with it. My effort will lie in keeping this newest loss off till the next time it happens.

I can now purchase the boots I have been coveting without dipping into my change jug.


Ok, now to the more important stuff:


Bubs has had his evals this week. I know in my brain that the numbers don't mattter all that much. It doesn't define the wonderfulness that is my son. In my heart though, I really want everything to be good and moving in the right direction. My life right now, is all about bubs, and if he is successful, it means I am successful. He is successful and happy, but the needy little person inside me wants good eval results. I used to think I was an intrinsically motivated person, but perhaps I am moving on over to the external side.

Ok, so he had his psych eval on Monday. I haven't actually heard from the psychologist yet, she is supposed to get back to me when she has the report all written up. Good thing bubs' shadow was there because she told me everything. I promised her I would act surprised and I will deliver on that promise. I know my bubs is smart, I do. He is just not a compliant test taker. Apparently 3 years of aba has taught him some compliance because he went up 40 points on his i.q. test. Granted the last one was when he was three and he couldn't really speak. I don't think anyone actually informed me of that score, because I probably would have had a nervous breakdown upon hearing it. I just found out the old score because they compared it to the new one. I never thought I would experience such joy at hearing that my son scored in the avg range for i.q. (actually a little above avg, but that's the annoying externally motivated me saying that). AVERAGE, never thought of it as a beautiful word, but in this case it was, maybe more soothing and calming to my tortured mind. I really felt myself breathe that day, like unbuttoning your pants after you ate too much.

Wednesday he had a speech eval. I of course had to ask his teachers how that went. What is with the secrecy here people??? I didnt' get too much information other than he scored above average in the receptive and expressive realms. Ok, what? Come again???? This is a child who was in the second percentile for expressive and receptive speech at age 3. Second percentile. I always referred to him as having a 'speech delay', especially when forced to converse with other moms at the burger king skanky play structure, when they asked me what preschool he went to . I never named it, I just said it was a center for kids with speech delays. I guess that explanation is no longer going to work for me.

The thing is, I really can't seem to grasp this. I am having a hard time trying to understand how this will all matter to bubs and his programs. I have had over 3 years of amazing services, with abysmal reports about everything. This is the first time in bubs' short life that he has gotten results like this.I am afraid, very afraid. Happy and afraid at the same time.

Bubs still needs help. I don't want them taking his help away. On paper we are looking fine and dandy, but it's not the whole story. Are they going to listen to me?

I must add that I am still very grateful, very thankful and so very very proud of bubs. It is a lesson in hope for anyone who has little or none.

Gratitude and where are we going tomorrow?: the holiday edition

Bubs has this undying need to ask me ten thousand times where we are going, and where we are going after that, and where we are going after that. I think it's partly due to that little controlling nature of his, and the fact that he is on a visual schedule at school, which he can commit to memory. So at night we have our little talk of the next days festivities, at least 37 times. I do try and turn it around and ask him the questions. So tonight he asked me about tomorrow. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, I reiterated. I told him that first we would go visit his fraternal grandparents (not using those exact terms) at their friends house. Then we would go to my parents house (again, for the purpose of 'anonymity', the names have been changed to protect the innocent). He was intrigued by the idea of going to my in law's 'friend's house'. So we went over that one a few dozen times, I thought maybe the new person being introduced into the mix might account for the inquiries. Then of course we went over where we were going after that. Is this boring yet for anyone reading this? So after a few rounds I said to him in a kind, motherly sort of way, 'Please stop asking the same questions over and over again' (words I NEVER thought I would utter, and it's with great joy that I said them!). Bubs stopped for a second, got real close to my face and looked me in the eyes with his sweet mischievous smile and whispered ever so softly.....'where are we going tomorrow?'.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!!!! I love Thanksgiving, it's a time when I get all sappy and sloppy about how lucky I am and there are no presents involved, just one of my favorite hobbies-eating comfort food. Enjoy the day, wherever you are going tomorrow!!!!