My spirtual game of whack a mole

I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Perhaps that is my faith, my religion or my reason for getting up in the morning, what have you. I struggle with control issues, big time. I know I have passed that trait on to my son. I have managed to get by, and I worry about how he is going to fare in this world. Not just because of his control issues,and somehow- asd aside (if that could ever be possible) I think it's a mother's job to worry. It's amazing since I am also a black belt at worrying, that I never really considered before becoming pregnant,the entirely vast realm of worry I would encounter as a mother. Ahh, who am I kidding, you could never prepare for this.
I think I am freaking out because kindergarten is looming on the horizon and I can't tell if it's the Goodyear blimp or a b-12 bomber. I am being told by the powers that be that bubs won't be able to attend his current school over the summer. That wasn't the situation I had in my head. I thought he would continue along and seamlessly transition to his new school in September. Wrong. So this change of plans is causing me much anxiety and all these questions keep popping up in my head regarding what the hell is going to happen for us. I am constantly having a mental argument with myself, like a mini cpse meeting going on with me coming up with all of these reasons why bubs needs to have his summer services. This in turn is causing me to focus in on all of bubs's weaknesses instead of strengths which in turn is causing me great angst. He is doing so well, working so hard and yet I am unable to remember the specifics of those at this particular moment in time. I am too busy seeing him lose his shit during his after school gym class, and not be able to sit in one place longer than five seconds, and shake his head back and forth visually tracking his bangs on his face. Agggggh, I hate this. Hate this!!!!

My poor bubs. I have got to get a grip on it. Yesterday he got off the bus so distraught. He usually skips off the bus and asks 'where are we going today?' but he was unusually quiet and reserved. I asked him how school was and he didn't say anything. I asked again (I guess that's where he gets it from) and he said 'I wasn't good at circle time today, I didn't get treasure box, I was sad, I cried'. My poor bubs. I think he too is feeling the pressure. I tried to get more info out of him, mainly if he was a good friend. I wanted to make sure he wasn't 'cha cha-ing' his friend or knocking down their block creations. He said he was. I later found out he was running around like a loony bird during musical chairs. The big problem came when they told him he wasn't getting treasure box. He flipped out. I think that is what he felt most bad about. While I felt terrible about this, I had to stop and remind myself that a year ago he wouldn't have been able to tell me that he actually went to circle time let alone how he felt about it.

The elusive butterfly of yeast-part 1

I am a biomedical slacker. I didn't always used to be, I used to be really neurotic about it. I got kind of burnt out on the whole magilla, but somehow after reading Jenny McCarthy's book,I kind of got sucked into the vortex. But only halfway this time. I promise.
When bubs first got dx, or even before, I was online constantly looking up everything. In my attempt to convince myself that I had control over the situation I stumbled upon the D.A.N.!protocol. Don't even think about leaving off that exclamation point! So I dragged my son to the closest D.A.N.! doc I could find (we shall call him Dr.Well from now on). I plunked down enormous sums of cash and I agreed to do whatever he told me to do. We went casein free first, we went gluten free shortly after. It was relatively easy though given that bubs was 18 mo and didn't talk. He wasn't that much of a fan of solid foods at that point either. I had to go to dr. well every two weeks. It seemed like every time I went, he added another task to my list, the pressure just built each time I went there. I remember one time bubs had an ear infection and I almost went into apoplexy at the pediatricians office when they wrote out a rx for antibiotics. Dr.Well told me not to. I was torn. I didn't want bubs to be in pain, and I didn't want to screw up his gut. So I dragged my poor bubs to the other end of the island for a quick hocus pocus session with dr.well. It was a huge huge leap of faith, but whatever the hell he did, it seemed to help bubs and he survived, miraculously, so did I. Ok, I am veering off course here. The reason I am a biomed slacker is because it all just got way too much for my fragile neurotic mind to handle. Every time my son spinned a wheel or looked at something funny, I blamed myself. It was the lollipop he ate two days ago-yeast! Or that I couldn't follow the virtual caveman diet they told me to follow, basically nuts and twigs and boiled chicken. I just couldn't do it well enough. I couldn't make the young coconut kefir (even though I tried about 6 times). My son wouldn't eat broccoli. Oh, if he would only eat some fresh cultured veggies (sour kraut times ten!) then he would talk. I felt like no matter what I did, I wasn't doing it well enough. I did it for over two years. We schlepped coolers of food wherever we went, I made my own chicken nuggets, and crazy concoctions that my sister made fun of.

I thought yeast was at the root of all of our problems. If I could only get rid of the yeast. If you do any delving or dabbling into the biomed world, eventually you will come across the yeast issue. There are tests for it, expensive, kind of not sure about the validity type tests. But it's safe to assume in the biomed world that any kind of stimming, sleep issues, ocd behavior, skin issues, can be blamed on that yeasty beast. To treat it? Not that easy. It involves a variety of concoctions that kill the yeast causing die off, the herxheimer effect if you really want to get scientific. Die off isn't a pretty thing, but it's supposed to be good because after a week or so of hell you are supposed to be rewarded with a new and improved child. Of course this sounds sarcastic, but there's probably a bit of rationalizing going on inside my crowded head. The truth is, I don't know what works. I don't really know. No one does. It just involves a lot of blind leaps of faith. Even though I thought I was done chasing the yeast beast, I have been slowly but surely getting sucked back into the matrix. I have my threelac, I have my probiotics, have the caprylic acid- I even have the lauricidin. I am out to hunt down and annihilate that vague yeast monster. Even though I am not sure whether or not it's out there.

I just wanted to add as a caveat (my new favorite word) that my own biomed obsessions probably have very little to do with my child. I managed to live around 37 years on this earth under the illusion that I had control over my life, silly girl that I was. When bubs was dx, I was terrified and felt like I had to do something to help him. My goal wasn't to turn him into a science experiment, or change the core of his already wonderful being. I just wanted him to talk.
I've eased up big time since then, but I think I am getting nervous for him with kindergarten looming around the corner. I hope this post isn't to verbose- it's lookin a little wordy.