Intervention

Ok, it's official. I am a Jenny Craig dropout. I cannot say that I didn't give it a chance though. I started it in the beginning of October and hung in till now. I did manage to lose 12 lbs, but that ain't enough to justify the bucks it's costing me each week. I think I had an epiphany the other day. The key to losing weight is eating less and exercising more. Gee. Do you think I should get a patent on that idea? Somehow, I thought Jenny held the keys to the skinny kingdom, little did I know all she had to offer me was some frozen mac and cheese and mealy tasting vitamin bars. I realized recently that my half assed attempts at losing weight are not healthy for me, mentally and physically. I really have to get my mind straight in order to do this, and when (not if, I am affirming here, people!) I do , I don't need to spend large amounts of money on sub par food to do so. I did think it would help, maybe it did in some weird way.
So last night, I kind of felt a huge sigh of relief when I realized I didn't have to walk through the doors of the 'center' and feel like a big fat failure. That was my first thought. My next thought was, let's eat. Ok, I know that's not really a healthy way to proceed, but I have been really struggling the last few months and I am incredibly sick of eating pre packaged meals. I have to watch this though, I think I border on addiction when it comes to food. As soon as I decided I wasn't going back there, I made a mental list of all the things I would like to eat before I start the next phase of this journey. In my mind, I went overboard (and I had a few too many trader joe oreo's in the process). I was reminded of that scene in "Leaving Las Vegas" where Nicholas Cage's character decides he is going to drink himself to death and goes to that liquor supermarket and loads up on his poison. I know the first step in addressing a problem is realizing you have the problem in the first place, correct? I know I have been stuck on this step for quite a while now.
I did treat myself to Panera today for lunch. Ooooh, I have missed them so badly. I used to make a weekly date with myself to go and get a 'you pick two' combo and a huge refillable diet soda and sit there with a book and feel like a college student again. Jenny said I had to stop, so I did, even though a small bowl of soup and half a sandwich shouldn't be considered 'cheating'. So screw you Jenny, I am going back to weight watchers, I miss those damn points. I thought I would never say that. Now I just have to screen my calls because I know Jenny is going to be calling me (agressively).